you were just a wish and a dream in a young girl's heart *-* you never came to be more than that *-* but if you had *-* she would have held you for the very first time and marvelled at your beauty and your innocence and the wonder of your creation *-* she would have counted your fingers and toes and held you close and felt your sweet baby breath on her cheeks *-* she would have kept you nourished and protected from all the kinds of harm she had known herself *-* she would have delighted in watching you grow, watched you take your first steps, watched you discover the world in the way that only a child can *-* she would have cried with joy the first time you said "i love you mummy" and oh she would have loved you too *-* she would have seen you start your first day at school and enjoyed hearing you giggling with your friends while you played *-* she would have made sure when you were sick or hurt that you got properly looked after *-* she would have played with you, made things with you, discovered the world with you, sat with you and talked about whatever came up, laughed and cried with you *-* she would have delighted in you becoming your own person with your own dreams and likes and dislikes, creating a world for yourself, falling in love for the first time *-* she would have been through all the tough times with you *-* she would have set limits and boundaries when you needed them and have been prepared to struggle with them with you *-* she would have been so proud of you and been in awe of your strengths and helped you work through areas you struggled with *-* she would have taken every opportunity to let you see your worth and value just because you were you and she would have been your mirror and reflected back to you your beauty *-* she would have guided you towards having compassion for all living beings and your environment and towards having your own free will to make healthy choices *-* she would have known that it wouldnt all be easy and that there would have been times along the path from you being a baby to you becoming an adult that were hard and that there would be problems to figure out but that together you and she could have gotten through them *-* most importantly she would have loved you with all her heart *-* you were always just a wish and a dream in a young girl's heart with a huge well of sadness i say now that you will never be more than that *-* so sweet beautiful child that will never be, i need to find a way to let you go *-* to do this i need to let myself grieve for that young girl's unfulfilled wishes, i need to let myself be angry that her life experiences led to this *-* this is i hope the beginning of me being able to do that

rain

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