SHADE
If you're hurt, why don't you tell someone
Don't feel bad, you're not the only one
If you were abused, find someone to help you
I know you were used, what are you gonna do?
Don't go hide in, hide in the shade
Don't go hide in, hide in the shade

THE BITTER PILL

sometimes i'm lost and then i'm found
sometimes i feel turned inside out
i'm often silent when i'm screaming inside
instead of love, we turn to hate
we never quite appreciate
how much the other person cares sometimes
and when i'm right, i'm also wrong
we give and take to get along
there's so much more to this than i ever dreamed
and when you smiled, i had to laugh
and when you cry, i'm torn in half
so calm and yet so loose at the seems
hold me close, dunt ever let me go
cuz i'm confused, byt maybe someday i will know why
sometimes i'm right as rain and when it rains it pours
you're such a mystery, why can't i unlock the door?
all that glitters is in gold, too much is overkill 7&life can be beautiful, on the bitter pill

DADDY
Mother; please forgive me
I just had to get out all my pain and suffering
Now that I am done remember I will always love you
I'm your child
Little child, looking so pretty
Come out and play, I'll be your daddy
Innocent child, looking so sweet
A rape in my eyes, and my flesh you reap
YOU RAPED! I feel dirty
IT HURT! As a child
TIED DOWN! "That's a good girl"
AND FUCKED! Your own child
I SCREAM! No-one hears me
IT HURT! I'm not a liar
MY GOD! Saw you watching
DADDY WHY?! Your own child
"I didn't touch you there"
Daddy said he didn't care
"I didn't touch her there"
That's why mamma stopped and stared

KILL YOU
Living life, don't you cry
My life, painful thoughts occur
You and me, again I'm wrong
In denial, I tried to be your friend
I tried to be a good girl
All I see, a hate deep inside
Start me, someone save me
Now these memories, still I hide
They bury me
Looking back I was never ever right
You were my father who wanted me out of sight
I would come walking in and I said "Hello"
But you slap me
And you make some fucked up comment about my clothes
But I tried to let it pass
But the pictures in my head
Were with you, with a knife
Up my ass, laying dead
Now your child is such a fuck
Mother fuckin' bitch ever try to play me!
You made my life, not so
All I want to do!
Is kill you
Wish....you....were dead....NOW!
How....right now
How can I....cry over someone that never loved?
How can I....cry over someone that never loved?
Never loved

DEAD BODIES EVERYWHERE
Come on step inside and you'll realize
Tell me what you need, tell me what to be
What's you're vision you'll see
What do you expect of me
I can't live that life
Let me strip the plain, let me not give in
Free me of your life, inside my heart dies
Your dreams, never I'll achieve
Don't lay that shit on me
Let me live my life
You want me to be, something I can never ever be
You want me to be, something I can never ever be
Hate, I say my words, I forget
Give me, with your life, dead bodies everywhere
You really wanted me to be a son
Why? You made me feel like no-one

GOOD GOD
You came into my life, without a single thing
I gave into your ways, which left me with nothing
I'd given into smiles, I fell for all your games
I'm wishing very hard right now, I hadn't let you win
I scream without a sound, how could you take away
Everything that I was, made me your fucking slave
Your face that I despise, your heart inside that's gray
I came today to say, you're fucked in every way
Sea of life, you're just a minnow
Live your own life, insecure
I feel the pain, all you're in need of
As I shit, into my mind
You stole my life
Well I don't side
You suck me dry

PRETTY
So, so loud
Wait, but I don't realize
How, why lay?
Broke
The pain between my thighs
Skin, so cold
How could someone steal my life
Take the blame
Wait, I got some shit to say
I get my pretty face, smashed against the
bathroom floor
What a disgrase, who do I feel sorry for?
Slashed and raped, yet again
This is some real crime
Wait! Something
Now! Rips my
Heart! And takes
My! So I
Wait! Too late
Now! I feel
Hurt! Inside
Take! My soul away

MY GIFT TO YOU
"There you are my precious"; not long ago
Hide behind the shadows, of my broken soul
Why is it always you want something you can never have?
Why's you try to tempt me?
How could you be this way?
"There you are my precious; with your broken soul"
Rubbing your croch elated
Taking control
Why is it always, you fuck up something you've always had?
Why's you try to tell me?
How could you be so cold?
My throat, you take grasp
And my eyes roll back
Love racing through your veins
My heart stops beating
Here I am, just a woman
Feeling pain gives me life
Reveiling you is my plan
I'd do anything just to see through your eyes
Just to see through your lies
I HATE YOU! Can you feel the pain!
I HATE YOU! Can you feel the pain!
I HATE YOU! Can you feel the pain!
I HATE YOU!

MR. ROGERS
Time has come, to realise
What you are
What you've done
Looking back
And now I realize
How much you really liked me
I'm that child you terrorized
You came to me
I really didn't know your lies
Now my innocent's gone
I'm that child you terrorized
This fucking pain that I feel; you gave to me
This fucking pain that I feel; because of you
My childhood is gone; because I loved you
You took advantage of me and then took this
understanding
I wish I wouldn't have watched you
But then you made my childhood a failure
This fuckin' hate I feel
This fuckin' pain that I feel
My childhood is gone
My childhood is gone

WHO'S IN CONTROL?
You fucked with me, then you changed what you said and then you ripped through my soul and pulled out my heart
You're the one that took advantage of my life
You're just a coward, now; not anymore
So what's it gonna be?
Who's the one that's in control?
Son on a bitch, yeah you
Black it up, black it up
You made me wish I was never born
You just didn't fuckin' understand
What gave you the goddamn right
To fuck it up; my goddamn life
In the end, you will lose
You'll be lucky if you even move
So what's it gonna be?
Who's the one that's in control?

ABUSE ME
Need to ask a question
Calling out my name
Nothing seems to bother
Wish I had a clue
Well, I don't think you like me
Well I hate you as well
No one seems to like you
Wish I couldn't tell
C'mon abuse me more, you like it
C'mon keep talking cuz it's true

SUICIDAL DREAM
I dream about how it's gonna end
Approaching me quickly
Living life on fear
I only wnat my mind to be clear
The people making fun of me
For no reaon the jealousy
I fantasize about my death
I kill myself from holding my breath
Help me, comfort me
Stop me from feeling what I'm feelin' now
The rope is here, now I'll find a use
I'll kill myself, I'll put my head in a noose
Suicidal dream
Voices telling me what to do
Suicidal dream
I'm, sure you will get yours too

SLAVE
lived too long now you've come to take me
to a place where i can die
lost my soul, lost my confidence in me
can't be something but i'll try
lived too long and waited just to drown
in my self pity i keep falling down
only book i own is called How To Lose
pick a chapter, i know them all, just choose
lived too long and waited to find a place where i can die
lost my soul, lost my confidence in me
give me something but i'll try
want to be your soldier
want to be your slave
have no pride in myself
that's how i behave

FREAK ON A LEASH
Something takes a part of me
Something lost and never seen
Everytime I start to believe
Something's raped and taken from me
Life's always got to be messin' with me
Can't they chill and let me be free?
Can't I take away all this pain?
I try every night all in vain
Feeling like a freak on a leash
Feeling like I have no release
How many times have I felt diseased?
Nothing in my life is free
Sometimes I cannot take this place
Sometimes it's my life I can't take
Sometimes I cannot feel my face
You'll never see me fall from grace

RECLAIM MY PLACE
What the fuck!?
I'm so dumb therefore I can't relate
I'm so numb there is nothing to hate
Really is it me or is it fate?
Give me peace or release for fuck's sake
In the past I was known as a freak
Had no friends, picked on cuz I was weak
Give them something to say, something super fly ever play
All I hear is disgrace, erase them all and reclaim my place
Reclaim my place, reclaim my place
Reclaim my place, say it to my face
So I look around, all these stupid little faces
Something I can never slap, but I embrace &7You'll never ever see, you'll never ever be
You want to fuck around, then come and fuck with me
You think you can relate, you'll never ever find
You think you feel my hate, look at me and you will find
You think your always right? I will always be the sound

SEED
Every day it gets a little harder, can't seem to get away
I feel that there's a certain place, a place I wish I'd stay
I feel so lost within, pressured
I'm headed for that day
I lay in bed and I wonder, should I go on this way?
Everytime, goddamn, I look at myself
I see something I can't be
Beautiful and carefree, that's how I use to be
Like some goddamn fuckin' freak
I'm so pressured, I'm so weak
Something takes a hold of me, something I can't believe
And so I see this face so innocent and fine
And so I see this face and I realize it's
Mine

ASS ITCH
I hate writing shit, it is so stupid
What's my problem today?
Maybe I'm depressed, maybe I'm helpless
To what comes out my hand?
I hate writing shit, It is so stupid
Why do I feel this way?
Feelings in my heart, I’m in way too far
Can’t - it won't go away
I hate writing shit; ain't looking forward to it
What's fucked up today?
Writing all this time; feeling all that's mine
Come right out my hand
Tell me now I want to know, is that me inside you see?
Is this fair, I gotta let this song inside me... free
Set me free
Just set me free
It just set me free
That’s why I die
That’s why I try

CHILDHOOD
Deep inside me dwells the pain
Wreck of the insane
You serve the shame
Loss to fill, expose your will
Use the child
Unable to feel
Hope is wearing thin, thin as ice
When my feelings slowly die
I am all alone
Through flesh to bone
Thorne sticks deep inside of me
I am rotting from the inside
I am ruled by pain
Tortured memories burning my brain
Make it end
I was just a child
Weak and lonely, cold and bloody
The pain tearing through me

COST
It's hard holding on
And keeping control
Of your mind, emotions
Body and soul,
When there's hurt
Anger, need and loneliness
Little did I know
It would cost me so much
I try to act like I'm doing fine
Yet, each day I know I'm dying inside
I am trying with everything
To put up a fight,
Except I'm losing my strength
A little each night
I've lost my self-confidence
I've lost a lot of my pride
I have withdrawn inside myself
I hope each day that the pain will die

DISRUPTED SLEEP
Late at night I toss and turn
Reoccruing images bombard my mind
The pain of the past overwhelmes my emotions
The painful past stabs me again and again
My heart, bleeding
As I gently cry myself to sleep
My nightmares torment me with pain

SCARS FROM THE PAST
Can't you see it in my eyes?
Look Past all the Barriers of Disguise--
To see that I still hold the Pain
The Bad Memories are there to Remain
As a little girl I scream in Alarm
My father has caused me Harm
He has left traces of Abuse
As well as scars from Misuse

STRANDS OF TIME
There was a day
Many years ago,
I'm not sure of the season
Or of my age
I don't remember my age
I had no reason to look in the mirror
I wore my soul pinned to the inside of my coat pocket,
It was that simple
My mother loved me and she was afraid,
She swallowed my hand in hers,
She knew that I could fly
And that I would

STREAM
Where are you going stream?
Far, far away
Take me with you stream
Take me on your dark journey
Lord Frith, oh take me
Take me far away to the hearts of the light
A silence
I give you my breath
My life
A silence

TEARS FOR THE PAST
Tears for the past
Are old memories
Ghosts brought back from the dead
Words never said
Love never expressed
Sorrows unquenching
Happiness neverending
Tears for the past
Are yesterdays forgotten
And tomorrows yet to remember

WHILE YOU FALL!
I don't want your promises
I don't want your lies
I'm breaking down this wall
I'm tearing it down
I will not forget, I will not forget
Strength inside that keeps me alive
Fuck you and your promises
I can see past your lies
You will never; never break me down
You and your mother fuckin' lies
I know I'll never forgive myself
I'm growing strength deep inside
I gotta watch who I trust
Gotta watch my back
So hard to trust something like that
While you fall

WAR?
dark is the light
the man i fight
with all my prayers, incarnations
running away, a trivial day
of judgment and deliverance
to whom was sold, the bounty soul
a gentile or a priest?
was it the riches, of the land
powers of bright darkness
we must call upon our bright darkness
beliefs, that the bullets of the wicked
on was the written sword
for you must enter a room to destroy it
international security
call of the righteous man
needs a reason to kill a man
history teaches us so
the reason he must attain
his child partisan brother of wat
of war, we dunt speak anymore
of war, we dunt speak anymore
we will fight the heathens, we will fight the heathens
we will fight the heathens, we will fight the heathens

HAUNTING ME
everywhere i go i see your face
every sound i hear is the sound of your voice
why are you haunting me?
why can't i let you go?
so everything you told me was a lie
at least it seems that way
couldn't tell when i looked at your eyes
the truth scares the shit out of me
whoever said love is blood, love is real
has never felt the way that i feel
what does it matter
what's done is done and i should
get on with my life
why are you haunting me?
well i dunt know what it is
but i can't seem to make myself forget
was it something that you said?
or is it the guilt inside my head
why are you haunting me?

SAVE YOURSELF
i know your life is empty
and you hate to face the world alone
so you're searching for an angel
someone who can make you whole
cannot save you. i can't even save myself
i know that you've been damaged
your soul has suffered such abuse
but i am not your savior
i am just as fucked as you
i cannot save you. i can't even save myself
please dunt take pity on me
my life has been a nightmare
my soul is fractured to the bone
so if i must be lonely
i think i'd rather be alone
you cannot save me
you can't even save yourself
i cannot save you....i can't even save myself

THE THING I HATE
lost in a world of doubt and insecurity &¬hing that you hold sacred you believe
your life is a contradicition
while you thrive on manipulation
i fight just to hold on to what i believe
i won't become the thing i hate
you treated me like i was a worthless piece of shit
you think like you're in controll but you make me sick
i want you to suffer
the way that you've made me suffer
i want to fuck up everything you've ever loved
but i won't become the thing i hate
i won't become the thing i hate
i won't become you

TORN AP ART
you made me, lonely in your hell
naked and hungry, i crawl into your cell....
a vertual reality is piled in my bed
i try to resist you tongue inside my head
how can everything be justified by you?
you get off on watching me bleed
you get off on feeding my disease
i'm so tired of living for you to touch
i'm so tired of need you so much
how can everything be justified by you?
when did i decide to be crucified by you?

SUGGESTIONS
watching
from a post up high
from where i see the ships afar
from a well trained eye
the waves all keep crashing by
warning
post hypnotic suggestions
running the ships ashore
the orange light that follows
will soon proclaim itself a god
if i point my questions
the fog will surely chew me up
but if i want the answers
i better get ready for the fire

Stone Calf

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